


The Tearing Sound Of Love Notes

by destroya_ah_ah



Category: My Chemical Romance
Genre: Confessions, Kissing, Love Letters, M/M, Secrets
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-07-08
Updated: 2013-07-08
Packaged: 2017-12-18 04:23:45
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,014
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/875583
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/destroya_ah_ah/pseuds/destroya_ah_ah
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“C’mon, I already saw the other part about being perfect for each other.” He told me, quiet and persuasive. Slowly, he picked my train wreck of a love note up and scanned the first sentence, flicking his eyes up to me and back down to the page. He took a breath, about to read aloud...</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Tearing Sound Of Love Notes

 

_Gerard,_

_This is kind of difficult to explain. I’ve felt like this for years and not had the balls to tell you._

“No.” I grumbled, half-heartedly scribbling out my words and grabbing a new piece of paper. “It needs to be straightforward.” I told myself, as if satisfying the command would actually result in a love note that I wouldn’t crumple up and throw in the newly emptied paper basket. I began writing again.

_Gerard,_

_To keep it short and sweet, I think we’re perfect for each other._

_Frank xo_

“Ugh, it’s too cheesy.” I complained. I drew a huge cross over the sickly love note, slamming it angrily onto the pile of my most recent failures. Breathing deeply for a moment, I thought intensely about how I could make my note perfect. “I wish I didn’t suck at poetry so much. If I could write a poem instead of a note, it’d be so much simpler.” I sighed, letting my head fall to the desk with a thud.

 

From downstairs, I could hear my friends laughing and chatting; they were waiting for the movie I’d told them I was getting from my room. All four of us were working dead-end jobs but none of our worries about the future mattered on the weekends, which we’d all been spending together since high school. I heard a door open on the floor below and I stood from my desk, like they could somehow see what I was doing.

“Got it yet, Frank?” I heard Mikey call up to me.

“Uhh…” I fumbled about with the stacks of dvds sitting around my room, feeling guilty at making them wait while I wasted time on something I’d always fail at. “No, but there are a couple of places I haven’t looked yet.” I called back down, hearing Mikey’s footsteps and the door closing again.

 

Like I couldn’t spend another second away from my desk without suffocating, I went back to my pen and paper, staring down at the new blank sheet before me.

_Gerard,_

_Ever since I met you_

“How shitty is that?” I cringed. “It’s just too cliché.” I didn’t scribble over that note. Instead, I started writing frantically, my attempt at neat handwriting flying out the window along with my hope of ever writing something worth giving to him.

 

The door opened downstairs again and I snapped out of my frenzy. Looking down at the full page, I signed my name with shaking fingers.

“Frank?” Ray was calling up that time. “You found it now?”

“No. I can’t find it, guys, I’m sorry.” I shouted back. Over the state of hysteria buzzing around in my head, I heard Ray reporting back to the Ways. Then I heard footsteps begin to ascend the stairs.

“I’ll go help.” Gerard insisted. Air drew into my lungs sharply and I didn’t let it go until I knew Gerard was right outside my bedroom. Verging on hyperventilation, I hurried around and grabbed some dvds to look busy, shooting over to shield my desk when I heard the door click open.

 

I stood to attention in front of my desk, like Gerard had entered to inspect my room. It wouldn’t have been a surprise if I'd struck up a salute for how genuinely scrutinised I felt.

“What’s up, Frankie? You look like you saw a ghost.” Gerard laughed, walking over and taking the dvds from my hand. He scanned over the titles and reached behind me to set the cases on my desk, leaning right across me.

“Huh, n– nothing.” I huffed a laugh out nervously. I did my best to guard my paper from Gerard’s view, gripping the desk’s edge behind me and holding on for dear life.

“Seriously, what is up with you?” He tutted, trying to move me out of the way. “Frank, you’re hiding something; I can tell.” _Fuck you and your Way-telepathy_. “Look, there’s a bunch of paper behind you and you’re not letting me see it. I _know_ you’re hiding something.” He pushed firmly against my shoulder but I didn’t budge. The only reaction I gave was a pained whine. “Did you draw something?” Gerard asked excitedly, aggravation changing to intrigue. “You know I won’t be mean if you ever draw something, Frankie. Just show me; I’m sure it’s awesome.”

“It’s, uh… Um, it’s wr– writing.” I choked out, mouth and throat dry to the point of needing to cough my lungs out.

 

Taking advantage of my unguarded coughing, Gerard shoved me out of the way and advanced on my paper – my failed love notes. He picked half of the pile up first, leafing through them with wide eyes, obviously seeing that they were all addressed to him in amongst the scribbles.

“No, no, no, _no_.” I chanted out, clamping my hands over my ears as though it would stop the intense thudding of my pulse in my temples. I rushed over to the remainder of the failed love notes and started tearing them to shreds, each inadequate ribbon fluttering down into the paper basket like scattered ashes.

“Frank, _stop_.” Gerard demanded, grabbing my wrist.

“ _No_.” I yelled. My vision blurred and I was burning up all over. I stole my love notes back from Gerard’s grip and scrunched them up in my free hand, throwing them forcefully into the paper basket with all my other failures.

 

He was staring at me but I saw his focus flick down to the last remaining page on my desk. I looked down at it too, locking eyes with Gerard again as soon as I knew what his plan was.

“No.” I whispered. I knew he’d find a way of reading it somehow anyway, even if I didn’t let him see my last note right at that second. Gerard released the vice-grip around my wrist and both my hands fell to my sides, defeated.

“C’mon, I already saw the other part about being perfect for each other.” He told me, quiet and persuasive. Slowly, he picked my train wreck of a love note up and scanned the first sentence, flicking his eyes up to me and back down to the page. He took a breath, about to read aloud.

“ _Don’t_.” I commanded hopelessly, letting my hands cover my eyes when I should have been covering my ears.

 

Gerard read the note out loud anyway.

“ _Gerard. Ever since I met you, I’ve felt this way. I didn’t realise it at first, but I think you’re perfect. For almost four years of the five that I’ve known you, I’ve tried to write you a love note. I just don’t have the courage to tell you in person. Hell, I can’t even give you a fucking note. I can’t even think about it without my hands shaking. If you’d just stop with your stupid laugh and that annoying talking-out-the-side-of-your-mouth thing that you do. If you’d stop having all the best ideas and the best taste in pretty much everything. If you’d stop being so goddamn beautiful, maybe I wouldn’t have to be so nervous. Maybe I’d feel like I could match up to you, like I’d be enough for you. You’ll never read this anyway, because it’s as shitty as the rest of them, but I love you. Frank_.” I took my trembling hands away from my eyes, biting my lip almost to the point of bleeding.

“S– sorry.” I mumbled.

“Don’t apologise for turning true feelings into something you created, Frank. That wasn’t shitty. That was beautiful to read.” Gerard told me calmly, folding my note and pocketing it carefully. “Do you really feel those things?” I nodded hesitantly. “Well, maybe not for four years, but I’ve felt that way for quite a while too.”

 

The dam broke. The anticipation of failure crumbled down, leaving a strange positivity in its wake. Something rushed into me like a tidal wave; something I hadn’t felt for a very long time. My heart was lifted, buoyant on the new sea of hope beneath it.

“What? Really?” My hesitations had gone. All that remained was a whole array of questions floating around in my brain. “Wh– How long for?”

“Like, two years, maybe.” Gerard sounded thoughtful, but he shrugged.

“Holy shit, Gerard. God fucking dammit. Why didn’t you tell me?” My words spilled out before I had the chance to even think about how hypocritical I was being.

“The same reason you wouldn’t tell me. I thought you were too perfect, like I didn’t deserve you.”

“Ugh, shut up and kiss me already.” I interrupted with a roll of my eyes, inhibitions banished to the paper basket with all the other things that I needn’t have worried about.

 

Grabbing Gerard’s wrists, I pulled him towards me. I guided his arms quickly around my back and wrapped mine around his neck. We kissed, short at first.

“We’re so stupid.” Gerard grinned, giving a humming-laugh and scrunching his face up like the adorable idiot I’d described in my note.

“Well, at least we’re not completely stupid; we aren’t gonna spend the rest of our lives wondering.” With that, Gerard stopped me babbling any more clichés with his lips. We stood there, catching up on all the kisses we’d missed, my tongue edging past his lips until he let go properly and let his join in. He held me tighter and my fingers threaded through his hair slowly.

 

Just when I thought we’d repaid the kiss-debt, Gerard gave a breathy laugh – smiling against my lips – and dived back in again. I felt like I’d been transported to the world that only existed in my head. I felt like I could have been woken up at any moment.

 

“Uh, okay. Wow, that is _not_ the kind of movie I wanted to watch.” I broke off from Gerard and turned, hearing him gasp as we found Mikey standing in the open door, looking confused and wide-eyed. “Were you even trying to find the movie?” He asked, rubbing his eyes awkwardly and then scratching his head.

“I– I was, to begin with.” I stuttered.

“ _He_ has been trying to write me a love note for _four years_.” Gerard explained, pointing at me for emphasis. I batted his arm, embarrassed. “Well it worked in the end, didn’t it?” _Yeah, it did_. He had a point.

“Frank, do you have the movie?” Mikey asked again, agitated.

“Uh, yeah, I think so.” Heading over to the last stack of dvds that I hadn’t looked at yet, I scanned down the titles and found the one we wanted, five cases from the top.

 

Heading out of my room all together, we were met with Ray ascending the stairs.

“Oh, you found it? I was coming to help the search.” Mikey nodded at him happily, handing him the case and carrying on leading us back downstairs.

“It would’ve been found much quicker if those two weren’t so desperate to kiss each other’s face off.” Mikey smirked. It looked like Ray almost missed a step at the news, which sent Gerard and I into a giggle-fit.

“If we watch this movie in the dark, like we agreed, are you two gonna be able to keep your hands off of each other?” Ray questioned, placing the dvd into the drive and flicking the tv on.

“I dunno.” Gerard grimaced comically, like he wanted to bargain his way into sitting next to me. “We do have a few years to catch up on.”

 

Rolling his eyes and giving a wide smile, Ray let the dvd start playing and switched all the lights off, knowing it’d be hopeless to try and keep us apart. Mikey smiled over at us too, letting us know he wasn’t bothered, just that it was a surprise to walk in on us. Only half paying attention to the movie, I scooted closer to Gerard and let him rest an arm around my shoulders.

 

Even though I probably could have settled with any of my love notes, it seemed I’d given Gerard the right one, albeit unintentionally. All that waiting hadn’t been a total waste.


End file.
